Before Juno, there was Too Young to Be a Dad

Expressionless young actors take note: Paul Dano was Michael Cera before Michael Cera knocked up that girl in Juno. This is also before Paul Dano was the crazed religious dude in There Will Be Blood.

Let me explain. There's this little movie called Too Young to Be a Dad, and it was on LMN today for Father's Day. Although I haven't seen Juno, I know enough about it to know this:

• it's about a girl who gets knocked up by her friend
• they're friends, but she decides hey let's do it
• they do it once
  
• the guy is strangely expressionless
• she gives the baby up for adoption
• both of them look like they could actually be teenagers

Guess what, folks -- this plot was stolen directly from Too Young to Be a Dad! I don't have much to say about this movie because otherwise, it was pretty dull. Oh! But before I forget, there was a super sweet Roz/double clutch moment that we forgot to photograph for you. You'll hve to take our word for it -- it was epic.

Anyway, this movie was heavily mediocre. Minor larfs from the Juno connection, the major Roz who engaged in a double-doubleclutch with The Mom, the angry goth sister and seeing the weird dude from There Will Be Blood act like a regular teenager. Clearly there is something very bizarre and angry (possibly a tiny bit sexy?) boiling underneath that kid's skin.

Rating: 5 for being strictly middle of the road.

BONUS: read the comments on the LMN page; they're alternately hilarious and poignant, with girls taking turns OMG LOVING this movie and wishing their boyfriends were as supportive (and expressionless?) as Paul Dano when they got preggers at 14. Mad hugz to those girls.

She's No Angel

Lifetime, how I've missed you! It's time to revive this mutha and tell you about the movie I watched last night.

Ok, so let me make this perfectly clear. This movie gave me a whole new appreciation for Tracey Gold.

Last night, after much discussion of her multiple charms and really unique approach to roles that could have otherwise been crappy/boring/downright idiotic, we decided that TG is a real actress. And underrated gem. A Judith Lightweight, ie a mother effing Lifetime heavyweight. Seriously? She has been in some movies.

This 2001 gem starts out kind of corny, with TG working as a waitress in an overly neoned dive bar. She has a weird little haircut and my companion commented, "Her face looks smashed." In many ways, I expected this movie to be very much like Face of Evil, where TG is a manipulative young woman who winds up trying to seduce Perry King. Maybe this time it would be, I dunno, John Stamos or something. That was the kind of movie where you watch it knowing the whole time what a badass TG is and just hoping she doesn't kill anyone else or get caught.

I am not going to tell you anything else about the plot because I am not a fan of spoilers; I will say, however, that this movie did NOT turn out the way that I thought it would. At all. I will say that there were a few notable cast members, including the guy who was Donna Martin's sick-with-a-disease football playing boyfriend in later years BH90210. Dee Wallace is in there too. She's No Angel is that special kind of Lifetime movie that make you feel ok about spending 2 hours riveted to your television; it's just that good. It kind of makes you wonder, in fact, what would happen if this movie starred, say, Ashley Judd.

As we watched She's No Angel, I wondered aloud to my companion, "Why is TG not in more big budget movies? Why can't she get any respect?" Sadly, I think it's because she's not conventionally pretty enough. Don't get me wrong -- I think she's pretty. In fact, I thought she was extra cute in this movie. But I have a feeling producers think she's not right for the Ashley Judd parts because she's not as conventionally pretty. That's why TG is the executive producer of this movie -- f those d-bags, she's gonna be in charge and make the movies she wants to be in.

And I say good for you TG! I'm gonna say it: you go, girl! Please keep making movies and being awesome and know that you have a fan in Judithlightfan at gmail dot com! You are a real Lifetime Lightweight. Internet searches have shown that you have gone through some hard times, and I'm not going into detail here, but I want you to know that people appreciate you. The Judith Light Conspiracy Theory definitely appreciates the crap out of you.

Rating: 9. This movie was an emotional Matterhorn.