Fatal Desire

Head's up: Anne Heche is crazy! If you're a single guy and you run into Anne Heche and you don't remember that she used to be an actual crazy person who woke up on people's porches and had to be checked into institutions and dated Ellen and whatnot, then let this movie serve as a warning. She is crazy and will toss you from the cliffs of insanity.

Also: Anne Heche is skanky! We've seen two Lifetime movies starring her now, and her skank readings are in the red. We don't blame her for this. Some people are just skankier than others. And if you're someone like poor Atlantic City pit-boss Joe, and you start an online affair with Anne Heche that spills over into real life, then skanky is obviously what you're into - and that's the plot of this movie.

Yes, Joe likes 'em skanky and filthy, and we don't hold that against him. Actually we wouldn't hold anything against him, because he's played by Eric Roberts, who's pretty skanky and filthy himself. Anyway, back to the plot: Anne ends up conning Joe into thinking she's got an abusive husband who needs to be dead. You can figure out the rest.

Highlights include: 1) Skankiness levels approach the legendary; 2) Eric Roberts always looking like a cat fell asleep on his head; 3) Joe's son, who may or may not be named "Titty"; 4) Anne's two karaoke numbers sung in a wheezy whine (see below); 5) Anne's daughter, who inexplicably vanishes in the second half of the movie and never returns; and 6) The fact that both Anne and Joe each have a Roz, and Joe's Roz meets Anne's Roz, momentarily creating the mind-bending possibility that we might have a Roz vs. Roz face-off, which would totally blow our minds and threaten the space-time continuum - perhaps fortunately for the human race, this meeting never happens.

RATING: 7. The montage of slutty Anne pics that end the movie is probably worth taping and watching in slow-mo. You know, if you're into that kind of thing.

(Left: Joe and Anne during happier times.)

Ho it up at Lifetime's official Fatal Desire website.

Below: Heche sings!