Wife, Mother, Murderer: The Marie Hilley Story

In this movie, Alabaman slime-ball Marie Hilley kills her husband, tries to get insurance money by burning down her own house, blowing up her own car, and attempting to poison her daughter, then takes a new identity and marries a dude in Vermont, then fakes her own death, then comes back to the dude pretending to be her own sister, before finally getting caught in her own web of lies. If you're counting, that's like seven Lifetime movies condensed into two hours, all of them starring one Judith Light.

Oh, man, is this movie good. Just keep re-reading that first paragraph over and over until you're whipped into a frenzy of disbelief and joy, and you'll feel pretty much like we did after our second - that's right, our second - viewing of this modern masterpiece.

What can we say about Judith Light's performance? Her Scarlett O'Hara accent is better than her Who's the Boss's co-star's Rhett Butler impression, but it's still a train wreck. Her hair and clothes are - I'm sorry - I can't continue. I'm blinded by tears of disbelief and joy.

If they sold Marie Hilley action figures, we'd buy them. If a judge asked us to swear on a stack of Wife, Mother, Murderer DVDs, we'd consider it our proud honor. Look, we're running out of ways to say this movie rules.

RATING: 9. The best part is when she comes back as her own sister, complete with several different full-body rhinestone-plated denim jumpsuits.

Sprinkle a little Crazy Salt on your life at Lifetime's official Wife, Mother, Murderer website.

Here's the wacko part where she shows up in her denimwear: