The Governor's Wife

The general rule is: the older the Lifetime movie, the better we like it. As much as we love Lifetime and Lifetime Movie Network, we wish those CEOs would get it together and create Lifetime Classics (tm), a network of TV movies pre-1990. Those were really the glory days. But our love of vintage material doesn't mean we don't enjoy the new age of Lifetime movies, too. Case in point: us sitting our butts down to watch the World Broadcast Premiere of The Governor's Wife. Being a part of such a gala event was one of the proudest moments of our lives. Taste the magic.

It's about a girl (I don't know any of the actors' names so I'm just gonna call her Girl) who is about to get married to Guy who is the son of the Governor's Wife (GW). The Governor himself has just been mysteriously murdered, so Guy and Girl rush to the estate for the funeral. GW, played by someone semi-famous who is pretty old but nonetheless looks good in riding pants, is not broken up about her husband's death. At all. This fact is totally ignored by everyone. She's just happy to put on her riding pants and go parading around the house in her riding pants. She is mean to her servants, too, though they seem to be in secret cahoots with her. Riding pants.

Anyway, long story short, GW is a psycho who wants Guy to be the next governor, and of course only Girl is on to her. So GW starts shooting everyone and killing a bunch of people and is about to kill Girl at the end when Guy and the kindly sheriff blow her away. She is wearing riding pants during her death, by the way. As she's lying there writhing around in her death throes, it's notable that, again, no one cares. What is it about this family that they're so blase about shooting deaths?

Look, this was all right. There's one point where GW goes really over the top and starts sing-songing her dialogue like she thinks she's Jack Nicholson in The Shining. That part was worth like a "9." However...

RATING: 5. A good diversion from our bleak, riding-pants-free existences, but not as life-altering as a Lifetime movie should be. Couldn't there have been an ex-90210 cast member in this or something? Brandon Walsh would've made a good Guy. Just sayin'.