Her Only Child

Sometimes we watch Lifetime movies because of who's in them (Judith Light, I'm lookin' at you) and sometimes we watch them because their titles are so titillating (Baby Monitor: Sound of Fear, anyone?). This one, well, I can't really tell you why we watched it. We just did.

And, frankly, it was dull. This movie is about a boring young woman who lives with her overbearing mother. Every scene is expanding on this basic premise. She goes out on a date, her mom fakes an injury. She says she's going away for the weekend with her new boyfriend, who is -- in Lifetime fashion -- unnaturally understanding and patient with this dull, neurotic woman who lives with her mother, and her mother attempts to poison her dog...and fails. That's pretty much this movie in a nutshell: mother tries very diligently to be stone cold nuts, daughter continues to put up with it, mother tries something outlandish, mother fails to register fear/concern in daughter.

I realize that in some people's experience, this is what being an only child is like. If you look at this movie as a cautionary tale, its message would be: do not only have one child because it will turn you into an obsessive lunatic, but not a very good one.

Instead of telling you anything more about what this movie had, I will tell you a few things that would have made it better:

• Some parental abuse, Hilary Swank-style
• A less-supportive boyfriend, maybe one who had a cyberporn addiction
• Mom's addicted to prescription pills
• Several hobbits, real or imagined
  
• A sibling, preferably with an eating disorder or anger management problem
  

Rating: 2. This movie is not recommended on account of its unrelenting dullness. Also -1 for canine violence!

Watch the trailer, if you must. Trailer gets +1 for having Dutch (?) subtitles, which makes it marginally more interesting.