Co-ed Call Girl

Surgically-enhanced millionaire actress Tori Spelling tries to mix it up by portraying a plain-Jane lower-middle-class college student struggling to make ends meet. Working at her mom's bakery isn't really rakin' in the Benjamins, so she becomes a call girl. How does she come to this rather abrupt decision? In classic Lifetime fashion, she is seduced by an mentor-like vixen who convinces her that a life of sleaze is all fast cars and cool dudes and bling bling.

One thing her vixen mentor forgot to mention is that being a call girl also occasionally requires doing it with creeps. Oh, the chagrin upon Tori's face when she figures this out! Eventually, she wants to back out of her the sacred pact between prostitute and pimp, but in proper Godfather III fashion, just when she thinks she's out, they pull her back in. Eventually Tori plugs her pimp and then we slip into the requisite Third-Act Coma.

Tori is fast becoming one of our favorite Lifetime heroines. She does this weird nerdy giggling thing that is supposed to communicate innocence but just ends up looking like she's doing an impression of a pig. It's always inappropriate; thus, we love it. However, we finally figured out why Tori does this. It's a serious academic revelation that the Judith Light Conspiracy Theory is proud to debut right here:

Some of you may know that, shortly before 90210 premiered, Tori played Violet Anne Bickerstaff, Screech's nerdy love-interest on the teen sitcom Saved by the Bell. As it was one of her first featured roles, she came up with a nerdy demeanor befitting one of Screech's paramours. Once she had it down, she never stopped doing it - right through 90210 and onto Lifetime glory. Look, I realize this paragraph doesn't have a lot of jokes in it, but this is serious pop culture theory we're dishing out here, so stop complaining.

Anyway, combine these bizarre mannerisms with her Michael Jackson-y facial expressions and Star Trek: The Next Generation hairdos and you've got yourself a date with destiny.

RATING: 6. Tastes good, but needs a touch more degradation. And what's with Tori's penchant for playing hookers?

Get all dolled up at Lifetime's official Co-ed Call Girl website.

Watch Tori get her call-girl cut: